The Cello Lesson Comedy Show

What Have You Done to Him?

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//The Cello Lesson Comedy Show (9)//

The Price Ranges and Magic of Cello Bows
Posted by Locomotive Music (2020)

Many years ago when I first met him…

Me: What have you done to him?
Teacher: Huh?
Me: Him. [Pointing to the cello that Teacher let me use in class.] It feels like he went through a lifetime of hardship.
Teacher: Oh, yeah. He had quite a journey with me when I was a music student.

Every now and then I see him in class.

Me: Hi! Haven’t seen you for a while.
Cello: ^_^
Me: He looks dusty. Why don’t you clean him up after each use?
Teacher: Yeah, yeah, I will.

***

Me: What have you done to him?
Teacher: Huh?
Me: He sounds weird. [Scanning his body and looking through the F-holes for clues.]
Teacher: I am experimenting with different strings on him.
Cello: >_<
Me: He doesn’t like them.

***

Me: Good to see you again!
Cello: * € *
Me: How come he sounds like he has a stuffy nose?
Teacher: Oh, yeah. I haven’t played with him for a while.

***

Cello: Ö
Me: What the… [Checking the label on his tummy to be sure it is really him.] What have you done to him AGAIN?
Teacher: Huh?
Me: He doesn’t sound like him. Did you lend him to someone else again?
Teacher: Yeah.
Me: He has done so much for you over the years. Why can’t you just treat him better? Hasn’t he suffered enough from your abuse?! *Death Stare*
Teacher: Well, it builds his characters.

A cello or bow does not need to be expensive to have a life with distinct characters.

Easier Is Not Easier

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//The Cello Lesson Comedy Show (8)//

Like most music students, I resisted practicing Etudes. They are difficult and boring.  Only in recent years that I finally gave in and picked up the infamous Alvin Schroeder’s 170 Foundation Studies for Violoncello. I usually just flip through the pages, then randomly settle on certain page to work on. So just like any other normal day, I flipped through the pages again. Then I froze.

Me: [Pointing to Dotzauer Op 120 No. 12] This was the one you asked me to play many years ago and I could never get It to work. Why did you give me this instead of this? [Flipping to the page of Dotzauer Op 120 No. 7]

Teacher: It makes perfect sense. No. 12 is an easier piece to learn double stop.

Me: It makes no sense. No. 12 is much harder than No. 7 to work with. Back then when I listened to you, no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn’t get through No. 12.   

Teacher: But No. 7 is technically more difficult.

Me: But No. 7 makes more sense. How can I work on something if it doesn’t make sense? Maybe it’s more difficult, but so what? If I can’t play the slur, then I focus on getting separate bowing to work first. If I can’t play double stop yet, then I focus on getting the upper and lower lines to work separately first. At least this piece gives me so much more to work on.

Teacher: *Head Shaking* Be my guest…

Friedrich Dotzauer, 18 Exercises for Cello, Op.120 (Upper: No.7 ; Lower: No. 12)
Publisher: Steingräber Verlag, Leipzig, n.d. (ca.1900). Plate 825.
https://imslp.org/wiki/Special:ReverseLookup/57213

 

PS. I have been working on No. 7 for ages now (if not for a year then at least 6 months). I still have a long long way to go. True that I have yet to be able to play the piece decently, but it has been more enjoyable (and painful) to experience the tiny discoveries every week or 2.

Newton’s Candle

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//The Cello Lesson Comedy Show (7)//

Immediately after walking into Teacher’s studio…

Me: I got a lightbulb moment yesterday!

Teacher: Uh Oh…

Me: Up-bow and Down-bow strokes are the SAME! Why didn’t you tell me?! Do you know how much pressure was lifted off me when I realized this?!?!

Teacher:  Hah? They are not the same. When you do the up-bow, you…

Me: Look at Maisky’s up-bow and down-bow strokes. They look the same. They sound the same. So they ARE the same!

Teacher: Well, the goal is to make them sound the same.

Me: No! Think of it this way…[I stood up and hopped once.] We are here. [Then I hopped to my right.] But in the second dimension, Up and Down are the same thing and that is the only thing that exists. Nothing else exists. It’s as simple as that.

Teacher: But you have to work on the strokes differently!

Me: That’s not my problem. It’s his problem. [Pointing at my right hand]

Teacher: (“Please! Someone call the nuthouse!!!”) 

By now you probably wonder why I named this episode “Newton’s Cradle”. Newton’s Laws of Motion may be considered Science. But their beauty is pure Art in Nature. Watching Mischa Maisky play Grieg Cello Sonata in A-minor, I could envision these laws of inertia, energy, momentum, and action-reaction at play, not just within a single sonata movement but even in between movements. It’s what lying under the facade that matters.

Newton’s Cradle with a High-Speed Video Camera
Posted by Jeff Register (2012)

You Never Listen

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//The Cello Lesson Comedy Show (5)//

“You Never Listen.” I am pretty sure this pops up in Teacher’s head often whenever he was dealing with me. But there was only one time when this flew out of his mouth before he could stop it.

Me: I am going to try out some bows when I visit this music shop during my trip.

Teacher: (Trying to put on a serious face) Do NOT buy ANYTHING!

At the store, the very helpful and knowledgeable consultant gave me at least 20 bows to try. My cello playing was so bad that I couldn’t even play “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star”. But for some unknown reason, my right hand kept putting aside this one particular octagonal bow. The consultant was so nice that he used the octagonal bow and another bow he recommended to play some pieces for me. I froze when he used the octagonal bow. I have never ever heard such a dark sound like that before. I was mesmerized. I just couldn’t leave without it.

Upon return from my trip, I kept silent about the purchase. Several weeks later after I was sure about my purchase, I finally told Teacher.

Me: Mm… actually…  I bought a bow during my trip.

Teacher:  I knew it! You NEVER listen.

Me: *Squirming* I know it’s an octagonal bow with limited usage. And I know I don’t even have the technical skills to use a bow like this anytime soon. But I couldn’t help it. It feels like a Devil’s bow. Well… at least it is in the price range of the next upgrade you told me before… Granted you meant “next” as in many years down the road…

Teacher manhandled the bow in his hands for a little while, then took out his cello and played with the new bow for a while. I was getting myself ready for a harsh lecture from him. Then he looked up.

Teacher: (Smiling widely like a kid in the candy store) This bow is a SUPER bargain!

Me: *Eye Roll* And you told me not to buy anything…

PS. This was the session when Teacher played Bach’s Arioso so beautifully that I wanted to cry at every note.

The Swan Challenge: Teacher vs Maisky

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//The Cello Lesson Comedy Show (4)//

ABRSM Cello Grade 7 Saint-Saëns: Le cygne (from “The Carnival of the Animals”)
Posted by The Cello Suite (2020)

During my class with Teacher last week…

Me: I watched your cello exam demo video The Swan last night.
Teacher: *Sigh* Told you not to watch my videos…
Me: I was bored. Anyway, you sounded weird in the video.
Teacher: (“Oh, no. Not again…”) Mm… How so?
Me: Just strange. So I dug up Maisky’s video to compare with yours. I know it is not a fair comparison since yours was an exam demo while his was a concert performance. But still…

Camille Saint-Saëns: Le cygne (The Swan)
Mischa Maisky, Boian Videnoff – Mannheimer Philharmoniker
Posted by Mannheimer Philharmoniker (2019)

Me: I watched both videos but I couldn’t describe the difference. So I closed my eyes and just listened to both videos again. Maisky’s tempo was much slower than yours. I assume it is much harder to play in a slower tempo. But the connection between his notes never dropped. Your notes seemed to stay on the surface. But each of Maisky’s notes seem to hit me in the inside, one by one like waves. And I started getting tears welled up in my eyes.

Teacher: Well…

Me: Maisky always says he intentionally exaggerates when he plays. But still, I wasn’t sitting in the concert hall with him playing live a few feet in front of me. How was it possible that I could feel what I felt through a laptop and a cheap earphone!

“And sometimes players have to make the details obvious, as Maisky explained: ‘I’m criticised for exaggerating, but I do it on purpose. I don’t play for people who know the music – I imagine the people who are listening to it for the first time. You have to guide them, to show them every change, every decoration. If you try to show 120 per cent maybe they’ll get 75 per cent. But if you only try 90 per cent they won’t get enough. But I might be wrong.’”[1]

Teacher: That’s…

Me: It just looks and sounds strange when one has to dumb down oneself to play a piece. For the exam videos, why not have 2 versions? In one video, you play the piece exactly the way you would if you were playing it in a real concert. In the second video, get someone whose skill level is closer to the actual grade to play the piece, like having someone at grade 3 level playing the grade 1 piece.

Teacher: Err…

So what’s the final score for the challenge? Maisky one. Teacher zero. (Sorry, Teacher.)

PS. Don’t get me wrong. I know Teacher can do it. He once played Bach’s Arioso during class which made me want to cry at each note. It’s so frustrating that others couldn’t experience that from the video.

Reference:

  1. Mischa Maisky: ‘Bach is turning in his grave’. Oct 20, 2014. https://www.elbowmusic.org/post/2014/10/20/mischa-maisky-bach-is-turning-in-his-grave

My First Cello

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//The Cello Lesson Comedy Show (3)//

When I finally decided to get my own cello some years ago, I asked Teacher for advice on what to get.

Week 1

Teacher: A decent beginner’s cello would cost about X dollars.

Week 2

Me: You’ve gotta be kidding. I tried a couple of cellos at that price range. They felt mushy.
Teacher: 😶 OK. Try something that costs around 2X to 3X dollars then.

Week 3

Me: I went to 4 shops. Nothing sounded right. And you told me the surface of a good bridge should have this dots-looking pattern. I didn’t see it on some of them.
Teacher: 😓 Cellos at this level should be more than adequate for you.
Me: None of them felt right.
Teacher: 💢 FINE. Go for the European wood then. Those would cost around 5X dollars.

Week 4

Me: I found it! But one problem… It costs … 10X dollars.
Teacher: 😱 WHAT?!
Me: When I was at the shop, a young man happened to be trying out this cello. Right when he played the first few notes, I immediately thought, “Wow! It sounds like what I heard on YouTube!”
Teacher: (“Can I strangle this wacko?!”) You can start with a 5X cello and then upgrade in the future when you gain more skills.
Me: This won’t work. I need a cello that can teach me. He will be my teacher when you are not there during my practice at home. It will be inefficient if I use a cello that has less room for growth. And I want to grow with the cello together.
Teacher: … OK. Fine. 🙈

Fortunately, I was able to charge the payment on my credit card as interest-free installments. So, how is my cello today? He is still patiently tolerating my brutal and clumsy moves. Sometimes it feels like I am disappointing him as I may never be able to show what he can really do. Teacher even offered to “open up” the cello for me after watching me struggle all these years. But I refused. Let’s just hope that someday he will finally talk to me.